These is an inherent bias in India towards a girl child and this is as a rsult of Dowry system, by which many Girls are unable to marry in India.
And even if they get married there is always a demand from their in laws to bring more dowry from her parents.
Many brides are tortured, some are even killed and some commit suicide....news of these things do appear in local news papers regularly.
This is a grave social problem in India and there is no end in sight, Dowry taking is banned by Indian law, but every one knows that it takes place.
That is the main reason why couples do not want girls as their first choice....earlier they had no choice because sex of child was only revealed at birth.
But now after these Ultrasound technology, couples can detrmine the sex of child much earleir and they go for obortion of it be a girl child.
This is the main reason for this declining male-female ration in India.
Eductaed and Middle class people are the biggest offenders, because it is they who always think so far away!!
That might be the reason for some parents to give bad names to their newly born girl child, which is so depressing to her.
But let me tell you, there is another class in India , called low castes or DAlits , who also have bad meaning names most of the time.
India is world's largest working democracy, 3rd or 4th biggest economy....but it is also the "largest killers of women child in the mother's womb".
A distinction, no civlized nation will be proud to have!!I mean, sure I see Indian girls with guys from different races and stuff - but most of the time, it's just the really fair skinned, almost-caucasian Indian girls! Like those like Aishwarya Rai! Do guys not like the darker, more 'typical' indian? I'm generalising a great deal here, but I was just hoping for a fairly general answer.How is the bad guy supposed to woo the good girl? What should he tell her and how? WriterAnnie Zaidi passes on some secrets
We may be fast transforming into a forward-thinking society, but the 'good Indian girl', it seems, still has to deal with all sorts of presumptions and prejudices. Addressing this slight, authors Annie Zaidi and Smriti Ravindra in their book, The bad boy's guide to the good Indian girl, present a collection of funny, irreverent stories of the lives and loves of smart, feisty girls from the subcontinent. Here, Zaidi writes for Mumbai Mirror and hands out the guys a few hints to get the good girl: First things first. This isn't really about bad boys (We don't know any. God-promise); this is about good Indian girls. And you should read this if you are the unsuspecting guy who walked up to a sweet girl, but when you asked for her name, she treated you as if you were a pervert. Or are you one of those who gave a girl a fancy present but she was too nervous to accept it? Are you married to a girl who loves you madly but who resents your harmless, homely sister-inlaw? Why? One of the reasons we decided to do such a book was that so many men complain that they simply cannot understand women, particularly Indian women. We kind of sympathise because we know there's cause for confusion and resentment.
For instance, when we were undergraduates (and living at a very strict girls' college), we had instructions not to talk to boys when we went outside. Some girls obeyed. Some didn't. Those who talked to boys would give out fake names, fake addresses. It must have been frustrating for boys when they discovered the lie, but on the other hand, what's a good girl to do?
If the boys had real names, real phone numbers, they would try to call. The hostel warden would find out. Parents would be summoned. The authorities would tell them that their daughters were up to no good. The girls would be shamed in front of their families and families would be shamed in front of the college authorities. Did we really have a choice?
When Smriti and I began to talk of what kind of stories we wanted to tell, we asked ourselves this question: How does one get labeled 'bad' or 'not very good' or at least 'not a good Indian girl'?
We also asked others and most of us agreed that clothes have a lot to do with the stereotype. So does body shape. A stereotypical good Indian girl is expected to not just dress 'within limit' but also to somehow make her body look, well, restrained, cautious. 'Limits', of course, are very hard to define. It is not enough to wear a sari, for instance. If you look supers*xy in a sari, then even that might earn you a bit of social censure.
So, when a girl spends hours trying to make up her mind about what to wear, remember that she isn't just worried about looking good. She is also worried about appearing to be good.
Remember that she is expected to place others' interests above her own (but that doesn't mean fighting for human rights in war zones; it means eating matarpaneer even though she hates it). Above all, she is expected to look happy and content.
Remember, that for most good Indian girls, to be interested in boys is considered healthy. But if you act on that interest, you enter a grey area. How much interest can you show without suffering for it? Can you go out drinking late at night? Can you buy him a drink, without being laughed at for being 'desperate'? Can you sleep with him and still expect him to treat you with respect?
So if you want to bowl over a good Indian girl, the best thing to do is to treat all girls with respect. Not just your girl. You must show respect for all girls. NEVER say things like 'x girl had it coming' or 'y is a nympho' or 'girls who smoke are more likely to put out'. If she herself says such things, YOU must gently shush her, and remind her that all girls should be treated with respect.
And NEVER ever hint that there's a separate set of rules for girls and boys. That you are allowed certain privileges, like hairy legs or bare chests, while she isn't. She knows the rules. She will hate you for reminding her.
Do NOT ask about her s*xual history. If it doesn't matter, then why ask? Let her volunteer information if she wants to. You must not ask, even if she has asked you. Remember, we play by different rules and that a girl's secrecy is often the only defense she has.
Many young men wonder why we care so much about being seen as a 'good girl'. We care because if we are seen as not-good girls, we are not treated with respect. Our families are not treated with respect. And because, when things go seriously bad, even our pain and outrage is turned into a weapon against us. We see this happening again and again through news reports about girls who are assaulted, or harassed. The first question everyone asks is - What time was it? Why was she out alone? Did she know the boy(s)? What was she wearing? Did she live alone? Why?
There are plenty of other reasons why we care about a 'good Indian girl' image, but remember this - a great web of morality confronts us. Most girls end up breaking some rules. And what's more, most girls want to break the rules. The challenge lies in snatching a bit of joy and freedom for ourselves and not getting caught.Hi All,
You are going to love Indian men for thinking this way!!! Really worth the read...one of the BEST e-mails I've received in a long time!!
It seems that an article was written to a well-founded magazine, by an English woman who requested a response from Indian men. I'm so glad she got what she asked for (and more)!!!
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Dear Editor:
I'm sorry but I would like to challenge some of your Indian male readers. I am a White female who is engaged to an Indian male, good-looking, educated and loving. I just don't understand a lot of Indian female's attitudes about our relationship. My man decided he wanted me because the pickings amongst Indian women were slim to none. As he said they were either too fat, too loud, too mean, too argumentative, too needy, too materialistic or carrying too much excess baggage. Before I became engaged, whenever I went out I was constantly approached by Indian men, willing to wine and dine me and give me the world If Indian women are so up in arms about us being with their men, why don't they look at themselves and make some changes. I am tired of the dirty looks I get and snide remarks when we're out in public. I would like to hear from some Indian men about why we white women are so appealing and coveted by them. Bryant Gumbel just left his wife of 26 years for one of us. Charles Barkley, Scottie Pippen, the model Tyson Beckford, Montell Williams, Quincy Jones, James Earl Jones, Harry Belafonte, Sydney Poitier, Kofi Anan, Cuba Gooding Jr., Don Cornelius,Berry Gordy, BillyBlanks, Larry Fishburne, Jesley Snipes...I could go on and on.
But,right now, I'm a little angry and that is why I wrote this so hurriedly. Don't be mad with us White women because so many of your men want us.
Get your acts together and learn from us and we may lead you to treat your men better. If I'm wrong, Indian men, let me know.
Disgusted White Girl, Somewhere in VA.
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The Response:
Dear Editor:
I would like to respond to the letter written by A Disgusted White Girl.
Let me start by saying that I am a 28-year old Indian man. I studied from one of the most prestigious universities in Atlanta, Georgia with a Bachelor of Arts Degree in Business Management. I have a good job at a major corporation and have recently purchased a house. So, I consider myself to be among the ranks of successful Non-White men. I will not use my precious time to slander white people. I just want to set the record straight of why Indian men date white women.
Back in the day, one of the biggest reasons why Indian men dated white women was because they were considered easy. The Indian girls in my neighborhood were raised traditionally. They were very strict about when they lost their virginity and who they lost it to. Because of our impatience to wait, brothers would look for someone who would give it up easy without too much hassle. So, they turned to the white girls. Nowadays, in my opinion, a lot of Indian males date white women because they are docile and easy to control. A lot of Indian men, because of insecurities, fears, and overall weaknesses, have become intimidated by the strength of our Indian women. We are afraid that our woman will be more successful than us, make more money than us, drive nicer cars and own bigger houses. Because of this fear, many Indian men look for a more docile woman. Someone we can control. I have talked to numerous Indian men and they continuously comment on how easy it is to control and walk over their white women.
I just want to set the record straight. I want A Disgusted White Girl to know that not all successful Indian men date white women. Non-Whites like Ahmad Rashad, Denzel Washington, Michael Jordan, Morris Chestnut,Will Smith, Blair Underwood, Kenneth 'Babyface' Edmonds, Samuel L. Jackson, and Chris Rock all married strong Non-White women. And, to flip the script, there are numerous white men, in and out of the spot light, who openly or secretly desire Non-White women over white women. Ted Danson, Robert DeNiro, and David Bowie to name a few. I just don't want the 'Disgusted White Girl' to be misinformed.
Stop thinking that because you are white that you are some type of goddess. Remember, when Non-White Egyptian Queens like Hatsepshut and Nitorcris were ruling Dynasties and armies of men in Egypt, you were over in the caves of Europe eating raw meat and beating each other over the head with clubs. Read your history! It was the Non-White woman that taught you how to cook and season your food. It was the Non-White woman that taught you how to raise your children. It was Non-White women who were breastfeeding and raising your babies during slavery. It is the Non-White woman that had to endure watching their fathers, husbands, and children beaten, killed, and thrown in jail.
Indian women were born with two strikes against them: being Non-White and being a woman. And, through all this, Still They Rise!
It is because of the Indian women's strength, elegance, power, love and beauty that I could never date anyone except my Indian Queen. It is not just the outer beauty that captivates and draws me to them. It is not the fact that they come in all shapes, sizes, colours and shades that I love them. Their inner beauty is what I find most appealing about Indian women. Their strong spirit, loving and nurturing souls, their integrity, their ability to overcome great obstacles, their willingness to stand for what they believe in, and their determination to succeed and reach their highest potential while enduring great pain and suffering is why I have fallen in love with Indian women.
I honestly believe that your anger is geared more toward jealousy and envy than snotty looks. If this were not so, then why do you continuously go to tanning salons to darken your skin. If you are so proud to be white, then why don't you just be happy with your pale skin? Why do you continue to inject your lips, hips, and breasts with unnatural and dangerous substances so you can look fuller and more voluptuous? I think that your anger is really a result of you wanting to have what the Non-White woman has.
BOTTOM LINE: If I were looking for a docile woman, someone I can walk over and control, I would give you a call. But, unfortunately, I am looking for a Virtuous Woman. Someone that can be a good wife and mother to my children. Someone who can be my best friend and understand my struggles. I am looking for a soul mate and; unfortunately, you do not and CANNOT fit the bill.Thanks!
It's all a matter of how you've been raised.
I'm dating an Indian guy (first generation American) right now despite warnings from ALL OVER (even Indian girls). We are soo in love (just like everyone seems to think that they are) and match so well on so many different levels. Actually, I was never attracted to Indian men before this guy. Afterward, I know I will be so attracted to Indian men (which, according to the experiences people have, sucks!). His mother hates that I'm with him because I'm not some magical Indian flower of a girl that she wants me to be. When we walk by other Indian families, I feel a sense of "oh that Indian guy is with a white slut! his family must be so ashamed" coming from their glares. When we walk by other Indian men, I get a sense of "oh that Indian guy is with a white slut! Lucky! Maybe I can get a slut like that, too.. before I get married to a real woman" coming from their stares. Maybe that's just my perception because I'm just plugging in to their stares what I've heard from others? Either way, it's not a great feeling to be seen as a tramp who is trying to ruin families and bring shame upon thousands and thousands of years while I'm just trying to have a fulfilling relationship with someone that I love and care for horribly. I ask him a lot about when his wife is going to arrive (I know she's just going to be a freaking glowing goddess, I just KNOW it!), but he gets very frustrated with that and swears that he'd rather go through eHarmony to find someone than to put in an order to India or through his aunties. No matter what he tells me, unfortunately for our relationship, I will always have it in the back of my mind that some woman who has been trained for his pleasure is going to show up on his doorstep and be everything that I cannot be (Indian) and make his family proud instead of disgusted. SO, there you go--women have been warned of Indian men.. and for good reasons because the same things that JosieGirl wrote about are the same things that I've been warned about by people with similar experiences. PS Kar*: -There are more religions that come into play with Indian people.. Hinduism is only one, and each religion is completely tied in to the whole family dynamic.. and usually, every religion seems to share basic similarities, but the problems between them are usually tied to wars. -Also, to say that your problems are with other "minorities" because they wanted to carry on their cultures... OMG. awesome. sooo much to pick at from your absolutely beautiful 'tolerance' of people. First, I cannot tell if you are speaking of 'minorities' in the sense of race as compared to "WASP"... Which wouldn't really have much to do with culture specifically, but rather race OR if you're speaking of 'minorities' from other cultures as compared to American culture (which is just as ignorant to say). Most families of people from cultures other than American (which has absolutely NOTHING to do with race) want to continue their cultures through children. It's just human nature... but I don't know exactly how this would make much sense of what you think you are saying because American culture would be the minority in that perception. However, I must agree with you that American culture (which is based upon immigrants and mixing cultures) is certainly the majority of culture in America.. right? lol |
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